Today was not such a good day.I had a dr's appt today.She said i was about 12 weeks along so i thought i would be able to hear the heartbeat.I had a tape recorder and everything,I laid there listening so closely but heard nothing.That was a disappointment followed by more bad news.They had done some blood work and found that my thyroid is very low,which happened in my last pregnancy,my blood pressure is pretty high and my immune system isn't so great due to the lupus.So now i have to see a specialist in high risk pregnancy in chattanooga which is like an hr away,every month.All of that just really got to me today,not hearing a heartbeat and then the dr saying all this stuff about high risk,i'm worried,and super emotional,been crying all day.Mostly because i'm worried about the baby and also i cry everytime i go the dr and they mention the lupus...makes it more real everytime.Alot of ppl don't know much about lupus cause it doesnt have the popularity of cancer.It isn't as serious as cancer in that it usually doesnt become life threatening as fast but it does eventually.Life expectancy after diagnoses is around 15 yrs.That doesn't seem so bad but sometimes i wonder if i'll see my grandkids or my youngest child graduate or get married.Ok so now that i've had my little pity party...I moved into my new place..i love it! I look across the hall at what will be the boys room and i can almost hear them in there fighting over toys..i can't wait to hear them fight again.This is the 1st place that i really felt like i could make into a home.All that's missing from it now is the boys and the baby :)

Well,today is moving day..again.I HATE moving,one of the things i dread the most.But i can't really complain too much,atleast i'm getting a better place.I'm moving to a really cute apartment which is a big improvment from where i am now,a one bedroom lodge,pretty much a hotel room.ya know the bed is in the livingroom which is right beside the bathroom!Not only can i eat breakfast in bed,i can cook it in bed too!My new place is a 2 bedroom,has a full size fridge,washer and dryer hook ups,no more laundry mats with crappy dryers,a good size kitchen and more importantly,it has walls and hallways and doors!!! something this shithole i''ve been calling home doesnt have.Everything in it is brand new and very clean...no mystery stains.I have sooo much packing to do.mostly by myself since my b/f is at work and not that moving didnt suck enough it's storming outside..bad! Last night we were in town getting gas when there was a power outage everywhere..kinda freaky,never seen a whole city go dark like that and it was just lightly raining then.The power was restored this morning so now i have no excuse for not packing.My fat pregnant ass has to carry loads of stuff down a long flight of stairs,my left knee went out about a week ago so that should be interesting.My brother adam (not by blood,matts brother) said he'd come help me move later today.I won't have internet for a while ,hopefully no longer than a month,so i won't be able to post anything about the pregnancy for a while.I just thought i'd let anyone who reads this know that so they wouldnt think something went wrong.Everything seems ok so far except i'm showing alot already which has put a huge strain on my back..been really rough not having anything for pain.Last night i just cried myself to sleep cause it's worse when it rains.Everyone please just send good vibes my way,while your at it send some "it's a girl" vibes this way to, :)