Today was not such a good day.I had a dr's appt today.She said i was about 12 weeks along so i thought i would be able to hear the heartbeat.I had a tape recorder and everything,I laid there listening so closely but heard nothing.That was a disappointment followed by more bad news.They had done some blood work and found that my thyroid is very low,which happened in my last pregnancy,my blood pressure is pretty high and my immune system isn't so great due to the lupus.So now i have to see a specialist in high risk pregnancy in chattanooga which is like an hr away,every month.All of that just really got to me today,not hearing a heartbeat and then the dr saying all this stuff about high risk,i'm worried,and super emotional,been crying all day.Mostly because i'm worried about the baby and also i cry everytime i go the dr and they mention the lupus...makes it more real everytime.Alot of ppl don't know much about lupus cause it doesnt have the popularity of cancer.It isn't as serious as cancer in that it usually doesnt become life threatening as fast but it does eventually.Life expectancy after diagnoses is around 15 yrs.That doesn't seem so bad but sometimes i wonder if i'll see my grandkids or my youngest child graduate or get married.Ok so now that i've had my little pity party...I moved into my new place..i love it! I look across the hall at what will be the boys room and i can almost hear them in there fighting over toys..i can't wait to hear them fight again.This is the 1st place that i really felt like i could make into a home.All that's missing from it now is the boys and the baby :)