Those of you who have been reading my blog for a while probably know all about my illnesses,lupus and degenerative disc disease.Which led to me taking huge amounts of very strong pain meds.Well i'm happy to say that despite my pain i realized that the pain of addiction is much greater so...I went to rehab.I stayed for 6 days and just got home today.I feel amazing,I feel ready to start my life again.I haven't taken a pain pill for 6 days now,that's 5 days longer than I've gone without meds in 3 yrs.6 days might not seem like much to those who've never experienced addiction but beleive me,that in itself is a great achievment to me.When i got home i had 3 pills left over,I flushed them..it felt incredible.i cried.I cried again when all i took tonight for sleep was a tylenol pm instead of 3 percocet 10's..yes 3!And that was just to sleep!I'm not trying to give myself some big pat on the back,i was a dumbass for letting it get that out of control,but when you're really in pain you think it's justified..it's not,i know that now.I was also taking them for emotional pain,the loss of Matt hit me hard..still does every morning i wake up and remember he's gone.I have an appointment for grievance counseling cause i've never really dealt with that..just numbed it.I also start NA meetings next week,90 meetings in 90 days.Also something i forgot to mention earlier,when i was in the waiting room at the E.R. a guy was sitting there that looked EXACTLY LIKE MATT.I mean everything,hair,face,even his dorky glasses,lol..i took that as a sign from him that he was proud of me for doing something he never did.He died of an overdose of pain meds and also zyprexa,he didn't take too much of that,,it's just evil stuff!I don't know if i'll never take another pill again,but what i do know is i didn't take one today and that's all that matters.