It's 6:30am and I'm listening to james taylor fire and rain and crying my eyes out.That song really gets me.Makes me think of Matt,especially the part where it says i always thought that i'd see you again.Matt was such a big part of my life for so long i never imagined life without him.I really always thought he'd be there to talk to when i was losing my mind.He was my rock.I just can't seem to express how wonderful this man truly was.He was one of the special ones.Ya know those ppl you meet or maybe just heard of that are so amazing they almost seem unhuman,there's just something different about them that lets you know they're special right away..that was matt.I know i've said alot of this in previous posts but i have to say it again,Matt was a genius,he was reading by age 3,and by the time he started school at age 5 he was at a 3rd grade reading level.His mom said he would go to the library and get books about spirituality.science,space,and the human body.He wanted to know all the different theories about where we came from and how we worked.He was like a sponge,soaking up any knowledge he could.Matt was always searching for answers to the unknown.That kinda gives me some peace,that atleast now he has all his answers about where we come from and where we go when we die.Anyway,so these were the books he'd read at age 5 and 6,his mom joked that he knew more about the female body then she did! And he did to,Matt never seemed to look at females like sex objects,he was fascinated by them,the female form was like art to him.but he never judged women based on looks.When he met them he would study them,what they said,facial expressions.We met when i was 16 and i remember the whole time i was talking to him he was staring right into my eyes,listening to every word.Later i would find out he was analyzing me,studying my soul.He could do that,he had a gift for it,he could tell if someone was lieing,or if they weren't saying what they really meant,even if they didn't know it themselves.He was a therapist to all his friends cause he could hear your problem and feel what you felt.It's like he was connected to everyone,to the world.So when we met there was an instant connection.We were completly in sync with each other.The best way i can describe it is like twins,how they are so connected they can feel what each other feel and finish each others sentences.We were like that,from day one.Before meeting matt i had pretty low self esteem,i felt like no one understood me cause i was kinda different.I've had some experiences in my life going back to about age 12 where i've had dreams or visions about something and then it came true.I would tell my mom and at 1st she thought it was all bullshit until one time something crazy happened that proved to her it wasn't all a coincidence,but that's for another post,too long for this one.Anyway so i had this thing about me that no one understood including me.Matt asked me if i ever had dreams or visions that came true the 2nd time we talked! I never mentioned anything about it but he knew.Through the yrs he helped me figure out what different dreams meant.He helped me grow spiritually.He taught me so much.He made me blossom.When i was with him i felt special.He thought the world of me.This man was so in love with me .He told me i had the beauty of art and the soul of poetry.Coming from any other guy it would sound cheesy,but matt really meant it.He didn't say shit to get laid,it's almost like that never occured to him .not sex,but bullshitting someone to get it!I'm sure he did think of sex but not very often,he said there was far more important things to spend his time focusing on.he truly thought sex was overrated and he saw no point in casual sex either.He never judged those who indulged in it but he just thought that sex without love was empty.He couldn't understand why someone would wanna share something so intimate with someone they didn't love.He also said that kissing was a mingling of the souls.He was such a romantic in that way.It hurts me to know that he never got the love he deserved.I'm the only woman he ever loved like that.I was a fool for not returning that love.I saw him more like my brother,my best friend,my soulmate.Matt was the most amazing,intelligent,and funniest person i've ever known and it makes me feel special to know that someone as incredible as him thought so much of me.We were best friends for 7 yrs,inseperable,until i met my ex.Everything was good for the 1st yr,then when i got pregnant he became very controlling.He wouldn't let me see my friends so when Matt died it had been 6 mths since i had seen him,the yrs before that we had never went more then a few days apart.I had finally gotten rid of my b/f one day and was getting ready to go see matt when his mom came to my door and told me the news.I have so much guilt and regret about that,if i'd only kicked my b/f out one day sooner then i would've been there the day matt died,i could've saved him.I know it was his time but it still haunts me,and always will.One of Matts favorite sayings when someone would ask how he was doing,was," same old,same old,dollar short and a day late." I guess that time i really was.