Sorry i haven't been posting lately.Been in kinda a funk.I can feel myself slipping into a depression.I'm not going to graduate from school because i had to miss 2 months when i got my kids back in october,had no child care.So there's no confusion,,i never lost custody,just let my sister keep them while i went to school until she started her normal bullshit like not being there when it was my day to pick them up so i just took them back.Kinda regret it now cause it fucked up everything.Also my health hasn't been so great lately.I already have lupus,degenerative disc disease(rotting discs in back..big owie!),therefore i must take large doses of very strong pain meds every day just to keep up with my kids cause without it i can barely walk,so yea i'm a pillhead.Anyone who's been on the shit for years like me would be to!I hate being a slave to chemicals like that.Like i have to plan my life around how many pills i have left.I know alot of dumbasses reading this are thinking,why don't you just quit or go to rehab.Well for you dumb fucks out there,i would do that if i was taking the shit for kicks but you see i have a couple of medical problems that will never get better ,quitting or rehab won't make them go away right? Next theory please....Also i have a completly fucked liver due to a ruptured gall bladder when i was 14 and being a dumb teenager and drinking like a fish.So it's about 50% right now,it will heal slowly in time though.The latest problem is for the past month or so i've been getting these dizzy spells,like all the sudden i'll feel weak,start sweating,feel sick and pass out sometimes.I told my doctor about these symptoms which include other things like female problems that i'm sure any guys reading this will appreciate me leaving out,lol..anyway,,,she said it sounded like possibly cervical cancer.I go for tests tomorrow.I know i sound like i'm having a little pity party over here but whatever ,maybe i am ,it's my blog anyway.fuck it.